simhasana

 

 

img_0018Its that time of year where if you’re anything like me, you begin to review everything you wrote down at the start of the year, (although I do this monthly) and make sure you are  somewhat on track with your goals and being intentional about seeing them come to fruition.

This brings me to why I decided to write an entry today. I’ve thinking soberly about my life recently, a lot is changing, and things are moving so fast. Looking for a pause button; mostly overwhelmed at the best of times.  

Please don’t read this entry sitting on the judgement seat, as you read I hope you can find your story in mine. And I as I go through yet another unveiling to bring about healing to both our journeys, I trust you will be kind enough to yourself by answering some of the questions in this blog and allow your mask to come off also. 

Lately my questions have been about my life: the past, the hurts, the ex’s, the frenemies, the dead end jobs, bad boss’s, corrupt colleagues… and my tomorrow. As I approach 40, I look around to find a small handful of close friends (I’m slowly learning to open up again and allow new people to come in). Desperately in pursuit of newness, afraid of sameness, and itching to create moments.  

Have you ever had those moments in your life when you seriously just want to get in the car, pocket full of cash, your fav radio station, clear road with no traffic. You, the road and destiny; only to wake up to the shocking realisation that real life is not at all like the movies. When will ‘it’ begin? Will I ever get married, will I ever be able to let the guard down long enough to allow someone to get close to loving me, for me. Are more kids on the books, heck do I want more? The truth is I had a decision to make. At this point of my journey, parking the car, leaving it punctured is far from ideal. Looking in the rear view it was clear that i’d come a long way. A bloody long distance, going back was not an option and parking in the middle was; well, also not an option. What do you do when the beginning is no longer in view, and the end is not in sight?  For me, this was a reoccurring hump on the road. Its obvious the show must go on, until curtain calls that is. So here I go again on my journey, no turning back, although it gets ever so tempting at times. But I want to help walk you through my survival kit for bumpy rides. Its inevitable that days will come when the car (vehicle-me/you) simply needs a rest. Thats the first place we start.

R E S T. When was the last time you gave yourself a MOT?

Every car owner understands the importance of having their vehicle checked annually to avoid a failed inspection. The consequences of failing a MOT test is costly, so you owe it to yourself to make sure you pass the inspection.  

Liken that to our own lives. I don’t know about you but I used to be a sergeant for ensuring my ‘life check ups’ were done without fail every year, usually on or around the week of my birthday. Because the thing is this, with check ups you are almost, always guaranteed the unpleasantness of other  less immediate problems. Truth is, they never pose a serious enough threat to make us want to act now.  I think that is why many people do not like going for check ups. However, when we ignore these problems that we know should be addressed sooner rather than later, as they may worsen. We face graver consequences that may cause us to fail our ‘life check up’ the following year.

Call me, turtle. 

I had a gut feeling 2017 was going to be quite an adventure. But one I simply had no appetite for, just trying to keep it real. Anyone that knows me, knows i’m the queen of hibernating when shit gets real. “Many turtles, are able to retract their heads and legs into their shells as a defensive manoeuvre”. And honestly, I can stay in the shell for what can sometimes feel like  lifetime. I guess growing up is a lot to deal with at times, and some days, I just have no gusto for being an adult. When all you’ve known is responsibility there’s sometimes this mischiefing urge to do the opposite. The sad part about that is, life doesn’t pause when you do. Time has no respect for my hiatus, and rightly so, it keeps on ticking.

Tonight I screamed silent thoughts of frustration, of wasted years, poor choices and failed relationships, disappointments, failed attempts of success.  I scream, knowing that better days are ahead; but only wished ‘those days’ could be today. I’m pretty sure you’re reading this and thinking to yourself, I do too. Well, one of the things I find that has helped me over the years is journaling my thoughts. Its always so encouraging to go back to the entires and reading through where your thoughts were and comparing them to how you now feel.

Shortly after having ‘my moment’ of silent torture, I practised  ‘Viparita Karan’ (leg up the wall pose) to help relax and calm me. I’ve recently taken up Yoga again, after several years of putting it to one side. (I’m beginning to wonder why) By practicing regularly, I am much more capable of meeting a worry with a presence, of curiosity, and patience rather than fearful reactivity. My practice has given me peace of mind. Honestly I’m a better mother, friend and person, because I can handle the everyday ups and downs more easily. I feel better than ever. As a Christian I can easily see the benefits of being spiritually connected to God and being more aware of my being  and my presence. In some crazy way, yoga has reintroduced me to my spirit man in ways incomprehensible. 

Reaching for my journal I soon came across an entry that had me in tears. Not sad tears, but the happy: pulls you into pieces separate forcefully, act of tearing that causes your eyes to stream with warm tears and your mouth engaging in a smile, in one chemical reaction. All because I came across a promise that I had written several years ago. The sweetest part was knowing that finding it was no coincidence. It was just another one off the beautiful ways of reinforcing his love to me. Every word he has ever told me is way bigger than it is; and the first thing I can do is simply trust him. Trusting, means letting go of what I want and taking hold off what he has in store for me. 

What are you holding onto that you know you must let go?

I’ve learned that the challenge of living isn’t the problems we face but our stance in the trials. Yes, the issues are real. The longer I live the more I see hurting people, experiencing real suffering, and knowing actual pain. It’s way bigger than the movies, and more factual than the media’s depiction.

My journey has just begun, each milsetone finds me standing at the burial ground of my imperfections and breathing life back into it. With each resurrected limb becoming more beautiful than its dead remnants. This journey has me taking tests, and failing them countless times. On route, I learn what it means to  follow and be still. I never said I was always compliant, so lets just say most times I’m kicking and silently screaming, but in spite of, knowing I am exactly where I am supposed to be. 

Truth is, you are fighting for your life in one way or another and perhaps getting ready to park the vehicle. My plea to you is; whatever you do, learn to rest, not to quit. It’s so easy to mistake tiredness as a reason to stop the car. But remember that the journey requires movement. I once read somewhere that, ‘stillness in itself is a movement’. Learning when to rest and when to keep on moving is one handy tool that you and I will need for this journey to wholeness. 

 

Thanks for following my journey and reading. Please feel free to like, comment or share. Any questions you’d like to ask please feel free to do so. I look forward to walking with, and unveiling more to you.

 

Namaste

Jewel

 

 

 

Reflections of Grace

 

 

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I recall sitting, and waiting patiently for the gas man to arrive. The boiler had decided to go to sleep, clearly it needed a rest. I don’t think it was being sensitive to its demand on such a cold and wintery night, but needless to say a cold night was on the horizon. All wrapped up, with candles on, playing classical music in the background (I love classical music) and a mug of what was becoming my favourite herbal brew, chicory tea.  

Those who have visited my apartment know how cold it can be on winter nights. My apartment is an old build with poor ventilation, but quaint in every other way with traditional features. The architecture is why I fell in love with the property and although awakened to the downfalls of unbearable hot summer nights and smoggy cold winters, it was a ‘small’ sacrifice I was prepared to pay. And, to be honest, several winters had past where it became manageable with the aids of onesies, electric blankets, hot water bottles, candles, and hot brews. Lol – we made it work. Isn’t it funny the lengths you’ll go to when you want something to work desperately.  Until that one ‘horrid’ night; a cold apartment even when the heater was on,  provided mediocre comfort. 

 To my utter amazement I felt more warmth that night than I usually did on most nights. 

Looking back on the events leading up to that boiler breakdown, I could easily understand the reasons why.

You see life is a series of decisions. We can choose to suck on the lemons or decide to make lemonades out of our lemons. Don’t know about you, but I prefer to settle for the latter. 

I was going through a 31 day challenge of writing down the things I was most grateful and thankful for in my life. And as I looked around that beautiful decorated front room, I instantly felt tears of gratitude stream down my face. I recalled the nights we slept in a hostel, the many nights I was travelling with my young son looking for shelter because I was in desperate need to escape our current nightmare. The memories of temporary accommodations that weren’t fit for purpose, the days of living through a suitcase; all these memories came flooding at me. And at once, I was fuelled by a surge of warmth, one that came from within, not without.  Admittedly it was a very cold night. London was  7 degrees with a 70% chance of snow. It was freezing to say the least.

But as my mind escaped, so did my perspective. I have a shelter, a bed to sleep on, clean, running water (indisputably cold) but nevertheless, running water. I sat there for almost an hour, smiling and thinking up all the many blessings I was grateful for in  my life and how far He had brought us through. 

For some of you there is a dramatic shift that is going to take place in your life in the remainder of this year, if you will simply know hot to rest in the storms and the not so convenient weather changes.

I learned first hand that the sure-fire way to see the change that is promised, was for me  to change the position of my heart. 

This week whilst journaling my heart to the lord, I heard these words”take your eyes off  your circumstances and current situations, they will cripple your faith. If you remain in Me and My words remain in you [that is, if we are vitally united and My message lives in your heart], ask whatever you wish and it will be done for you.” ‭‭JOHN‬ ‭15:7‬ ‭AMP‬‬

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You have no idea how timely this message was for me this week. I recall a time when I’d stay parked listening to john 15 in my audio bible. Desperately crying to the Lord to help me to remain. What does that even look like, I used to wonder? In chains to every spoken word, I refused to be unshaken and undisturbed in my pursuit when my desire is to remain in this word. My desire for change has been a desperate one, fed up with poor life choices and stagnancy, wishing my ‘aha’ moment would finally come. I’m sure we’ve all experienced such moments. Imagine driving to a destination, clearly getting nowhere fast. Desperately looking to get back on track only to realise you’ve been driving in a circle all along.  

Once on the right track you’d do what ever you possibly can to prevent yourself from getting back off track. You could liken this analogy to my  hunger to have this word being glued, permanently tattooed on my heart. To do whatever it takes to get it out there, and join the many clouds of witnesses that came, not only saw, but also conquered. The many that refused to allow their story to be written for them. The many that refused to have life keep them down. Despite my many knock outs, I’m convinced that with each blow Ive gained new muscles. Muscles I never realised I had before  and granted I don’t know how many falls I’ve taken, but the one thing i’ve never done is allow them to keep me stayed down.  My desire is to remain because everything else  means nothing to me. In this place, I’ve found living. The temperature in my apartment was unquestionably cold. But the heat I felt that night, and would love to have continually on the inside of me  is blazing.  

img_0841More and more I’m realising the power of this moment. The power in the now; right now. I see so many of the things I once hid my face from. Now this journey would allow me to sit in a place that others cannot, I see this grace at work, in my life, proving to be sufficient for the roads  I am to travel. 

My prayer for everyone reading this, is know that He sees you, you who is desperately seeking a safe haven. You, on your journey to finding restoration and craving for change. I pray that you are established and planted so deeply in Him. That regardless of your current situation and where you may find your life at today. Be assured that your story is not over because of one cold night. There is promise in tomorrow. I pray you find him on this journey, if you seek him with all your heart. And that you trust  the process and allow His word to build you up. Let boldness and courage come over you today like never before. That you might ask  whatsoever your heart desires, and when you delight yourself in Him.  Soon and very soon, you’ll experience your hearts desire. I’m on the same journey…

Signed, 

Finding my way 

36 fun facts about myself

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Me, Myself, & I

A list of 36 random facts about me: I’ve been on the earth for 36 years so it is only fitting that I choose the number 36! I don’t know if they’ll be interesting to you or not. But it’s been fun  writing up my list of all the random things that I know about myself.

Here you go!

  1. I was born in Sierra Leone, West Africa.
  2. I love being a mom, it’s not easy but ever so rewarding.
  3. I’m a 50’s gal at heart.
  4. I LOVE music of all genres
  5. I sound different to what I look like, or so I’ve been told. Allegedly I sound rude until you get to know me. The dispute is… I’m blunt and direct and quick to the point. (It would seem I’ve become softer over the years) 😂
  6. I had an imaginary friend throughout my childhood years called Lucy. That was until I met a real life Lucy… needless to say that soon stopped.
  7. I am a Big Kid at heart.
  8. I used to be called weird as a kid. I liked my own company. I still do. I dance to the beat of my own drum, and live to please no man.
  9. I used to stammer profusely.
  10. I can be shy. Really shy. Sweaty palms, the lot (yeah I know, God has not given us the spirit of timidity, I’m a work in progress) I do life afraid, on purpose.
  11. I avoid the spot light. I dislike being on show. I detest public speaking (you could say that blogging has become my therapy).
  12. I started speaking english at age 11 (I didn’t want to loose my mother tongue).
  13. My favourite scripture is Jeremiah 29:11-I have it tattooed on me 
  14. I hate lies. I know hate is a strong word, but I really don’t like to give false compliments.
  15. I honestly cannot follow choreography, but I can freestyle.
  16. I rarely watch TV (I do enjoy the odd movie on Netflix ).
  17. My favourite thing to do is listen to podcasts.
  18. I’m a bit obsessive about cleanliness and keeping things in order. I confess to being super fussy, and extremely pedantic.
  19. I’m still single, and 8 years celibate (waiting aint for the faint hearted, yes, it can get testy. But always keep your ‘why’ in mind and have people you are accountable to. Also, DO NOT put yourself in compromising situations! 
  20. I was engaged once.
  21. I love Julie Andrews and the Sound of Music is on of my top 10 all time favourites.
  22. I prefer coffee over tea. I take my coffee black, no sugar or milk. 
  23. I have a 14 year old son (most people think I’m lying and that he’s my younger brother) FYI I HAVE ONE BROTHER, AND HES 3 YEARS OLDER. 
  24. I’m a fantastic cook dare I say so myself. Crazy thing is I didn’t know how to cook until I became a mom.
  25. I rarely (very rarely) get bored. That’s why I like quiet. In the morning, afternoon, evening, and every other time. Well, I’m also a lover of silence. It allows me to think!
  26. I hate violence, bullying and injustice  of any kind.
  27. I used to invite homeless people to my home for dinner when I was a teenager. As much as time permits I enjoy volunteering my time with different homeless charities.
  28. I am super sensitive I cry at almost anything and my son teases me non stop about this
  29. I love Michael Jackson. I was a HUGE fan.
  30. I LOVE birthdays, especially my own.  Like a lot. 
  31. I can’t swim, I’ve taken lessons. And I love the water. Go figure!
  32. I love tattoos, currently I have 4 & counting (go judge someone else)
  33. I LOVE, LOVE being by the sea, water calms me. My dream home would be a sea front house (anywhere in the world).
  34. I had a pet kitten named Spirit, the little furry guy stole my heart.
  35. I love selfies (especially the ones that are taken in front of good lighting) in fact before phones had that option I used to turn my camera the other way just to snap is shot of myself.

   36. And yeah, I love being me. It’s taken a while to get here.

Regarding no 10:

I believe the words fear not simply mean don’t run. So the solution to fear/timidity is simple: Rather than bowing our knee and giving in to it, we must stand firm against it, knowing that God has gone before us and prepared the way. I have chosen to live life in obedience to God, so that I can experience His good promises that He has prepared for me.

Giving in to fear/timidity will only alter God’s best plan for your life. So use the power of God’s Word to do what He wants you to do…even if you have to do it afraid! The rewards are great. – Mama Joyce

Hope you’ve enjoyed this post.

Now, tell me one random thing about you. I’d like to hear from you guys…

Monologues were never my forte, I much refer being in a dialogue.

Speak soon,

Unveiling the mask

What floats your boat?

Sometimes it feels like everything around you wants to consume you. Problems at work, family issues, lack of finances and bad health to name a few. It is like being stuck in a boat in the middle of the ocean, hit with tempestuous wave after wave, with rollercoaster events leaving you fighting to find the calm in the storm.

What matters is not so much what’s going on around you but what is incubated on the inside of you.

Notes from my journal, and it reads:

Negative issues seek to penetrate your heart and become a part of you. The word of God says to guard your heart for out of it flows the issues of life. As you allow these issues to spring a leak in the heart of your boat you will find that it will sink because you have allowed what was on the outside to get on the inside.

If we are going to endure the storm there are key parts your boat will need:

1. An anchor to keep you from drifting off course. The word of God serves this purpose. Proverbs 3 : 5,6 says
Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.
In all your ways know, recognise, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.day as it ever was. Letting go and submitting was hard for me.

2. A rudder (flat piece hinged vertically near the stern of a boat or ship for steering)
Now I want to substitute the rudder for your tongue or in other words what you say.

James 3:4,5 (NLT)
And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong.

In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches. But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire.

Proverbs 18:21 (message) explains the power of the tongue further indicating your life will move in the direction of your words.

Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose.

3. Your faith keeps you afloat resting on the promises of God. I love what it says here in 1 Peter 5- Keep a cool head. Stay alert. The Devil is poised to pounce, and would like nothing better than to catch you napping. Keep your guard up. You’re not the only ones plunged into these hard times. It’s the same with Christians all over the world. So keep a firm grip on the faith. The suffering won’t last forever. It won’t be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ—eternal and glorious plans they are!—will have you put together and on your feet for good. He gets the last word; yes, he does.

Our boat is blessed… Christ on the inside

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In fact you are at the highest state of blessedness ( a feeling or state of well-being and contentment).

We are going to make it.

“Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honour depend on God; he is my  mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.”‭‭Psalm‬ ‭62:5-8‬ ‭NIV‬‬ 

 

Hope you enjoyed this entry, and please feel free to comment. Your support is warmly appreciated. 

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Jewel 

Are we there yet?

Firstly let me begin by saying what a joy and what a blessing it is to see 2017. 2016 wasn’t easy. But it took all of that to get me here.

Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations.

This year the difference marker is me and you deciding our language of where we will go before we even get there. So if we are intentional about making this our best year yet. Then our language ought to be a reflection of a winner by grace.

Anyone who’s ever traveled with children, would remember the often-asked question, “Are we there yet?” If you are anything like me, then you easily become just as irritated by the long distance as your kid does. But never dare to admit it, until you become frustrated like we see in this scene when Shrek and Fiona’s finally exploded with a scream.

We are not so much dissimilar to our children who want to “get there” NOW.  Silently we are screaming the question, repeatedly in our heads. Hoping that no one can hear.

Are we there yet?

Often times it’s our response that makes the journey all the more unbearable. Journeys in itself can appear to be an adventure if we allow it to be.  Each milestone moving us farther way from the familiar and distancing us from our comfort, into the unknown. As you go on your journey every place, feels like the first time,  adventurous, sometimes terrifying in every way.

Looking out of the window frequently, I remember my first major journey at age  10.  Travelling unaccompanied on the plane, never realising that (He) was always with me. This journey would be the mother of all journeys I would have experienced up until that point.

 

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Growing up in Africa, the farthest I travelled to, was the village market. Or on special occasions, Lumley beach. Never in my wildest dreams had I imagined getting on the plane with United Kingdom as my destination. It felt foreign to me, that this place I once called home would soon become a distant memory. Africa at that time for me wasn’t ideal. Away from my parents, I suffered many injustices. So you could say the thought of travelling to a new address, with hopes, joy, excitement, peace, a fresh start  would be my first introduction to restoration mansion.

When restoration mansion was conceived in my spirit, I knew it would take all kind of fight to get me to the final stages of delivery.  Just like my pregnancy journey to motherhood did. The fight to be allowed to keep my baby, the fight to provide for him and the fight to continually learn through the process that the journey is not a destination. Motherhood would in fact introduce me to myself. Had I aborted the process, I dare to imagine what would have become of my young fragile life.

For every mama reading this, we know the struggle all too well. Labour isn’t as smooth sailing as the movies would have us believe. Life has taught us that even what appears to be the final stages of delivery, the  journey itself would cost lives. Not everyone gets to deliver what they have been carrying. That is why, our attitude throughout the process is the distinguishing characteristic of believers.

On the journey there are no quick fixes. Journeys take time and movement. They also take direction. Without any of these, change is not going to happen, and that change we are after is shalom. I don’t know about you but this year I’m even more determined to enjoy my journey to restoration like never before.

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Truth of the matter is, the journey is going to happen whether we like it or not. We can make an eleven day journey last for eleven days or for forty years, the choice is entirely yours to decide. In Deuteronomy 1:2, Scripture tells us to travel from Mount Horeb to the promised land was an eleven day  journey.

Eleven days!!!

But the Israelites never took the eleven day journey. Instead, they wandered around aimlessly, murmuring and complaining . . . for forty years!

These people never entered the Promised Land. And never got to taste the  flowing  milk and honey.

Have you sometimes asked yourself what would happen if you stopped wandering, complaining and deciding to take short cuts to your destination?

Could it be like the Israelites, we can are  turning our eleven day journey into a forty  year one!

How?

How do we turn a journey God gives eleven days to complete into a life-long one? Just the thought of that cripples me with frustration, Our need to know everything, and have everything done in microwave time is the biggest dream killer of today’s generation.

It’s no coincidence that you are reading this blog. And I believe there’s many unspoken  fallen princesses and princes on their journey to restoration as well with the same frustration.

The “mansion” we are traveling toward will not be a visit; it will be our home. So if we are indeed making our way home, don’t we owe it to ourselves to enjoy the journey.  You know, travelling on an empty stomach is a sure-fire way to park up sooner than intended. So that’s why I’m offering you bread to eat so you will not quit on your journey.

I’ve heard it said that when you become sick and tired of being sick and tired, you’ll change the course of your direction. Einstein so aptly put it. Insanity is doing the same thing, expecting a different result. So, this year if you are indeed serious about seeing change then I encourage you to make the decision to stay the course on the road and refuse to park up.

No, we are not “there” yet; but we are well on the way. We can be rest assured that our travelling buddy on the trip knows the way—He IS the Way! He has the map, He is the navigator, we can never get lost.

He is the way, the truth, and life.

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Listen, during this life’s journey everything is not going to be easy. We will experience wins and losses. But never lose hope in the journey, no matter how long it may take.
We may not be “there yet,” but we see the road signs; the destination is just ahead. The travelling buddy has already gone ahead of us. He knows the way and is guiding us during the day with a pillar of cloud, and he has provided light at night with a pillar of fire. He has made the way easier for us to travel by day or by night with joy and anticipation until the journey ends.

TIPS:

Mirages are lies, things always look good from a distance

You don’t need to get out of the car

Hitchhiking another person on their journey could take you on a different route

Stay on course, and trust the process

Say NO to short cuts

Hunger will be your biggest distraction

Question: What has been the most challenging journey you’ve experience so far in your life?

Hello…

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My name is Jewel. I am marvellously made! I worship in adoration—what a creation.

Today I decided that I would finally stop running away.

I don’t know who you are. And the reason you’ve chosen to follow my blog. But I promise there is a reason. Together we will discover that reason and find healing and restoration by grace.

I don’t know about you, but I’m tired. I’m tired of being that runaway kid. Sad to say, but I’ve run away for most of my life. Always shying away from things, commitment, in the fear of someone getting close to me, and inevitably hurting me. Pain has been an address I’ve been all too familiar with. So, in my defence running away has been my form of control in avoiding the pain. When you’ve come from a place of brokenness and abuse, you learn to protect yourself.

My voice was something I never liked to hear, or was never encouraged to share.

It’ll be 8 years in January when I made the decision to rededicate my life to Jesus christ. And what an interesting journey that’s been so far. I mean to tell you, it’s not like you’ve seen in the movies or even read in the novels. You have to personally take that leap of faith and get it for yourself. I would be doing you a great disservice if I were to even begin to explain how it’s been for me. This by far has been the most unveiling, therapeutic, self discoveries I’ve ever been on. I was born into a christian family, my father was a Bishop and part of the Oral Roberts board of ministers. He loved Dr Roberts so much he named me after his daughter, Jewel. I grew up as a church kid. I didn’t know much else and Jesus would become to me as real as the friend you speak to everyday. For me he soon became my hiding place, my safe place. Abused at the hands of those who were supposed to love and take care of me, I was at a loss. Everything I knew to be true, turned out to be a tale of lies. Trust was broken, my heart was in pieces.

In the year of 1997 I gave my life to Jesus, became radical and went evangelising with great desire and zeal but no knowledge. Soon my hasty feet will eventually miss the way. I wouldn’t say I gave up, more so fell into stagnancy. Church would be my place to hang out and socialise and very soon the place where hurt would reintroduce itself. This time I put on my running shoes and  ran so fast it would take over a decade for me to come back home.

One bad decision after the next I would find myself at a cross roads. 21 & chosen left holding the baby . Motherhood would be the making of me, allowing me to take ownership for my life.

We live with consequences but his grace enables us to live without shame, fear or guilt.

Today I decided to get back to journaling. I’ve kept diaries for as long as I can remember. Since I was a young girl in primary school, I’d write entires often. Writing was my happy place. The place I can pour everything on and I wouldn’t leave feeling judged. With my keyboard I feel invincible, yet vulnerable at the same time. Deciding to blog was a whole new  level of exposure. Let’s face it we live in a critical society with onlookers who would rather look for fault to find, than applaud your courage to stand.

I knew the time would come for me to open up again. I’ve been through too much to keep my struggles and victories to myself. There is purpose in pain, it’s a sad but true statement. It’s not to say I am incapable of being committed, more so in fear of once committed, I would loose control.

My God is not wasteful and nothing we have been through can ever be wasted. If sharing my journey helps just one person, then it’s all been worth it.

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Signed,

Introducing Jewelbygrace