Welcome to Jewel’s journey. Truth is we are all on a journey. In the process of going through, I have decided to slow it down and take an inventory of my mileage.
A mask is something we wear to disguise our true identity from others. It can also be worn as protection, performances and entertainment. The etymology of the word mask explains further that it is the ‘covering to hide or guard the face’. So not only to disguise but also to protect. For years I struggled to come to terms with Jewel’s truth as to why masks were worn. Until the day it dawned on me that the reason I wore masks weren’t to hide from the world. But to hide me from me. Refusing to accept the truth that I was made in the likeness and image of God, I struggled greatly with low self-esteem and insecurity.
As each entry is written you will find that I grow an inch of courage, daring to reveal more as each chapter unfolds. My vision for this blog is to create a stage, a platform for us to play out of lives in different scenes and narratives written, directed and produced by us. And at the end before the final curtain calls, I want every mask of different shapes, colours, patterns, old and new, buried in a pile of all the other dead props that are of no use.
My heart was once broken, shattered in pieces, a mind in constant battle, and a soul waging war. Desperate decisions and a string of repeated patterns of self- harm and soul destruction you could say I came to a place where life was spiralling out of control.
With the spotlight on me, my heart racing and sweaty palms, I knew the day had come. My monologue was due and with each panting of heavy breath and a sense of anticipation from the audience, I realised that this monologue would be of no effect if the mask was to remain on. How could I possibly desire to make a difference in the lives of others if I was not ready to be the difference for myself, and finally I took off my mask with tears streaming down my face, the feeling of unworthiness and exposure I allowed myself to be gracefully broken. To embrace the gifts inherent within, to live life unapologetically, to not have it all together and be ok with that, and trust that the plans God had for me, (and you) far exceed the timid ones we hold for ourselves.
37 chapters later, my character has several defects. Fragmented pieces perfectly placed by the potter with the intention to serve a purpose. To the outside world, it may appear cracked. But I just want to tell you something, God still uses cracked pots. Have you ever tried placing a candle inside a cracked pot? Try it… you will be amazed by the wondrous light that shines forth.
Sisters let us unite! My ultimate goal is to create an e-family of women who are willing to bare all by sharing their truth with each other in love with the aid to bring healing for another.
If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far. Go together. Forbes