Age 21 and chosen,
‘Yikes, tomorrow my son turns 15’. To God be the glory…
This life can have you twisted, and learning to unknot is a skill worth pursuing. In this post I share with you the unknotting secrets as a young mom, attempting to raise a modern day knight, in today’s generation. Even in the midst of battles.
It’s not how you start, heck even the knockouts don’t count. Have you ever watched a boxing match? Sometimes I’ve been convinced that the guy who got punched the most, was indeed the one who’d lose the fight. Numerous times we come to realise that it was never the blows he fell from that kept him from loosing. It was his resilience not to stay knocked down, and get back up. This has been my question to me for countless years. ‘Jewel, can you get back up! Stronger than before’?
I love being a Mom. Seriously, I can’t think of any other role better suited for me other than being a parent. I’m grateful that God chose us for each other. If honoured with the choice to make, biasly, in the world of one being born every minute, I’d chose my son, without pause or hesitation.
My exposure to parenting wasn’t the most ideal. Discovering I was pregnant was pure comedy to me. It was then I knew this God has a sense of humour. The scripture that God would choose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise suddenly made sense to me. Looking back now I see why he did that. I could never take credit for the baby I once cradled into a boy and the boy who is being shaped into a man today.
Clearly, I was to be tested as rain decided to poo over my fairytale story. Oops, we’ve hit a wall. Hands down, this was a bad crash, a wreck that I was so convinced at one stage would have no survivors. And if anyone was to survive we would’ve lost a lot of precious money can’t buy moments that time was evidently determined to rob from us.
Counting the grey hairs, and sipping into a cup of chai latte, I sobbed uncontrollably at the fear of losing my adorable son to this world and its ideologies. I watched our relationship become knotted right before my eyes and could do nothing to unknot it, at the time.
Truth, my childhood was crap. Perhaps you could relate, not be trying to paint a sob story but it was what it was, nothing more or less. Growing up I was taught a child was to not be seen, and certainly not be heard.
Put the light on, I can’t see in the dark!
The longer I get to live, the clearer I see things. I have come to realise that love is so much more than words. In the trenches it requires grit, the tenacity to never give up. The willingness to go again. True living is you waking up and making the decision to make every day count. I’ve learned to understand my losses, and deciphering that losing is sometimes winning, and not all wins are good.
As my son’s earthly parent, I believe that it is my job to make sure that I choose our battles wisely. I recall so many wasted days of our precious time on pointless arguments that now in hindsight were meaningless. I have learned to be quick at saying sorry, and meaning it while teaching my son to never go to bed angry with me or himself.
In the chaos and confusion of this unpredictable journey called teenager life I have come to a conclusion that God is not wasteful and with him, nothing is ever wasted.
It is believed that breastfeeding helps mothers to bond with babies because it releases the ‘love’ hormone. Scientists have discovered the secret behind how breastfeeding helps mothers bond with their babies, that the release of a chemical in massive surges helps to enhance a mother’s feelings of trust, love and affection to the baby.
Whether this be true or not, I would like to hope that the three years of breastfeeding has contributed somewhat to our bond, that is (unbreakable).
According to the book of Proverbs, it talks about training up a child in the way he should grow. And when he is old he will not depart from it. I do believe this to be true. Life experiences have taught me that whatsoever we sow, we will eventually reap. I see this to be also true in the parent and child dynamic. As parents, we have the awesome privilege of being the primary teachers to our children’s’ early childhood development. If we get this right, we have the power to shape their young minds into something brilliant. My only regret is how late I came to discover this truth.
Parents, we are under-shepherds sent out on assignment by the ultimate father. He holds the blueprint of all our lives and somewhere in his marvellous plans for mankind, he saw you and me, raising up the future generation.
How often I lay awake, full of gratitude that he entrusted me with such an overwhelming gift. For this, I am eternally grateful. It’s not rocket science that this is something we cannot do alone. I don’t know about you but without the grace of God, there’s no way I could attempt this assignment called motherhood.
Hello, God you know this is a human life you’ve entrusted me with, right?
I am my son’s teacher and also his student. A good teacher must also be teachable. ‘No dream is too huge’ was one of my favourite things to implement in our space, a place where whatever dreams, goals, ideas my son would play out for my ears to hear, my mouth would be in agreement with him.
Parenting from my broken places has brought its own demons along the way. I’ve made mistakes and repeated actions that I never imagined in my life I would’ve made. But giving myself permission to be human and asking for forgiveness from God firstly, my son and in my opinion more importantly myself. It is true that we are harder on ourselves than others are on us. So teaching myself the importance of truly letting go, and counting losses as wins have been a major game changer for my parenting journey.
Routine for me has been the hardest thing to protect. If I’m honest consistently making sure we protect our date nights, and coffee mornings are perhaps the hardest. With work, school, church and activities in-between. You soon come to realise that time is disrespectful. You will find the older your kids get, the more on purpose you will have to be in maintaining consistency with your families schedule. Sometimes we have to tweak plans as seasons change, be ever ready! Some of our best dates have been the random last minute ones.
Becoming my child’s friend was never my plan but having him respect me and have reverence for me as his leader, under God, has and always and will be my main priority. Gaining a friend along the way, is just Gods unmerited favour, doing what he does best.
Date at the Shard
We were chosen and have the pleasure to work alongside the architect. And as his vision becomes clearer to us, we can begin to see the picture unveiling with each stone that is laid. The foundation stages are the longest, and that’s why even after 15 years, I would say I am still at below ground work. It may seem like a never-ending stage but trust the process. It is at this level that if you endure, you will develop strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope that will never disappoint usbecause God has poured out his love to fill our hearts. I may be young, but I’ve come to the conclusion that God makes no mistakes. I was chosen for such a task, and so were you.
Parents, of all ages but especially to those raising teenagers, hang in there. The season may seem like it’s never going to change. But it does. No storm lasts forever. The joy of winter is that springtime is right behind it. Parenting a teenager is challenging because right before your eyes, the ‘baby’ you once knew, is no longer a baby but a grown adult.
Thanks for following my journey and reading. Please feel free to like, comment or share. Any questions you’d like to ask please feel free to do so. I look forward to walking with and unveiling more to you.
A mother’s heart